This I wrote a while ago ..somehow its relevant to post it now.

My soul is vexed within me, How I want to shed a tear

For such has been my custom ere when in sin I was still living

How hard it is, to let go of old habits
How I want to shed a tear, for in this found I my acute comfort ere I heard the Voice
King David found his in the holy Word, 
I try to follow after this, but I still find the need to shed a tear
I find I’m filled with anxiety, I don’t want to wait on the Rock
I want to shed a tear, and how else can I, than to conclude that it is not well
But if I would believe His promises, then I’d gleefully await for provision
I would not exert outstanding pity upon mine-self
Pity that whispers ; Poor you, you’re so miserable and alone
Pity that deceives me into believing no one cares, and no one around me suffers as much
How deadly self-pity is, how cruel and depressible
If only it was easy to let go of old sticky habits
Nonetheless, in birth, there is no  ease, but pain
I must go through this, to be born anew!

“Beautiful one, forsake those tears

Which you display to your false fears.

They all shall fall like needless rain

Because your sorrow is in vain.

I have made you, by My design,

A light to emulate and shine;

A priceless gem before My eyes,

So do not heed the world's harsh lies.

Gather them up, give them to Me,

And I will keep you safe and free.

Free of the self-doubt prowling inside,

And safe from the rage of wounded pride.

Oh hear Me now, and do not grieve,

My words are all you should believe.

I am the light, the truth, the way!

Listen, dear one, to what I say:

I have made each morning new,

And I will always be with you;

Your name is written on My heart,

And you are blessed and set apart.

Abide in Me, for I'm in you,

And witness what your Lord will do!

My love will come upon sunrise,

And night will fall on all their lies”- Jeff Bidman

The deception of feelings…

As of a fresh-born eaglet, taking its first ride, effortfully grasping for a breath of air.
Battling to look above and live, struggling to trust and obey,
Overwhelmed with a feeling of death, of failure, of no-worth…
Looking around, I cannot locate the great mother eagle-one who promised to never leave me
Who promised to help me, and told me to fear not
I fail to understand it ..why didn’t it go well? Why did I seem helpless?
Had it gone well, wouldn’t my eyes be stimulated to look?
Wouldn’t it have been therapy to overcome my issues of trust?
It’s a tad too easy to say that God is with you, be discouraged and don’t lose heart, and yes it’s true that He’s here. But I’m human, with a heart of feelings..and when it bleeds hyperactively, the affect cannot be easily ignored..the feelings linger! I heard on Sunday, of a woman whose faith was stronger than her raging feelings. She begged for food, and was called a dog, but she realised that she could still eat of the food, or crumbs, though being a dog. That, to me, is true courage displayed; to trust even when you’re battered. To know that feelings are not a true representation of reality, and be stronger than what you feel. He who can achieve this, is the greatest to me. For I stand with the proverb: “…he that ruleth his spirit [is] better than he that taketh a city”
If I can fly up, high above my feelings, then I shall see better, not blurrily, as of the present. For I once wrote:
The view is always blurry to eyes full of tears. Just because you don't see Him, doesn't mean He's not there.
You be still and know that He is God. He promised never to leave you nor forsake you.
Encourage yourself in the Lord, and believe in Him.

Psalm 27: 13
"I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of
the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD."