Experience

Journeying along my Christian path, I felt like God owed me; felt the road is filled with too many hardships (which I shouldn’t go through).

 Whenever I’d get an obstacle in front of me, I felt God should make haste to remove it immediately.
When I’d fall, I felt He had to come- lift me up, wipe the dust off me, and carry me on His shoulder-and He had to do it now! That was His duty. 

But He didn’t always come when I wanted Him to, or the way I figured He’d come. And this wasn’t too pleasant for me. As long as He came? No! That was not the attitude I had. He had to come on my terms, and If He didn’t, I’d think it’s because He doesn’t love or care for me much.

It came to a point, I went to church because I was scared He’d punish me If I didn’t go. I lived the way I did because I didn’t want to go to hell. I did not consider how much God invested in me, No..in this relationship it was all about me, what I could get out of it..

I’d murmur silently within and wouldn’t let it out. I kept it too far out of sight, shunned it out of my conscious state because I knew it’d condemn me. It was too grey to face, yet deep down knew I didn’t love Him they way I ought to. I didn’t give Him the love he deserved. 

But there came a time, He brought it all out to my conscious state. A succession of unpleasant events took place gradually, things were going horribly wrong. And as I cried out of despair and dread, I opened up my bible to this scripture:

Job 15:13” Though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him: but I will maintain mine own ways before Him”.

As I read it, I began to recall quotes from the prophet, pertaining to love.

“I don't live true to my wife because I think she'd divorce me. I live true to my wife because I love her. It's a legal position that we have taken, that we love one another. First, before it could be there, it had to be a love. I love her. Although I believe if I done something wrong, she'd forgive me; still I wouldn't do it anyhow. I love her.

That's the way it is with Christ” [Adoption.3- 60-0522M]

 “[I] said "Though He slay me, yet I love Him. If He sends me to hell at the judgment day, He's just. I love Him anyhow. Something happened one day down in my heart. He'd put love in there. It's part of me. And it's more me than I am myself.." [Hear ye Him. 57-0519A]

” And if He sends me to hell, and in hell there's such a thing as having love, I'll still love Jesus Christ. 'Cause it's become a part of my life; it's become me. And I can't help it; there's something in there makes me love Him.” [Do you now believe. 53-1206E]

 “But I don't serve the Lord because I think He'd send me to hell if I didn't; I serve Him because I love Him. I serve Him because there's something in me. If you go out and say, "Well, I have to quit doing this because my church don't believe in it," you're just playing the part of a hypocrite. That's right. But if you do it because that it--you love it, and--and it's a contribution to God, and something in your heart making the love of God so greater to you than these things, now you're on the right line” [QUESTIONS.AND.ANSWERS_  59-0628E]

“As I've often said, I don't run around with other women because I'm afraid my wife will divorce me. I don't run around with other women 'cause I love my wife. That's it. I don't believe that you should run around. But a law isn't what keeps it, my marriage vow; it's my love. And it's reason I love God. Not because I'm afraid He'd send me to hell; I don't believe He'd do that. But because I love Him so much I don't want to do it. There's nothing in me to make me do it. I love Him too much; I wouldn't hurt Him for nothing. Certainly, I love Him.” [The Church choosing law for grace_610316]

“I said, "Lord, You give her to me. You're taking her away. Though You slay me, like Job said, yet, I love You and I believe You. If You send me to hell, I'll love You, anyhow. I can't get away from that." There you are.

Just an intellectual, it all broke away. But you got to have personal relationship. You've got to be born again.” [Is your life worthy of the gospel_63630E].

All I can say now is, thank God for sending Elijah! I am no longer what I used to be!!